My name is Kiki and I am learning to date again

  My name is Kiki and after leaving a bad marriage of 20 something years that ended in being a widow rather than divorce, I have decided to enter the dating world.  Being a 40 something full figured woman who has not dated since gasoline was .98 cents a gallon taking on this challenge definitely needs documenting.  So follow me on my journey to trying find companship and hopefully love in this new world.
  It should be stated that I do not smoke nor drink, so going to bars or clubs did feel like something I could do.  After speaking to a dating expert, my 20 something daughter, it was agreed that I should wet my feet by signing up for different dating sites. 
  Dating sites are not cheap and wanting to succeed at this endeavor I decided to sign up for one paid site and three free sites.  I posted the exact same profile on each site and my journey began.
  In order to ready myself for dating, I cut and colored my hair.  It was an easy fix while trying to hit the gym more to shape up.  Wearing makeup each day and dressing nicely even when I planned to stay home were my goals.  This seemed like a perfect start.  I took my picture using my webcam and chose the one that I felt was the best one.  Mentally I began to think what kind of man I would be attracted to.  I have never really  been a person who only looked at the outside but needed and wanted  someone who could laugh and carry a conversation.  Race and Religion was not a consideration, but having a job was.  I was not going to be someone's sugamama!
  After posting my profile on the sites, I was surprised at the number of views and emails that some sites brought in.  I was flattered that my profile was getting looked at so much and how many messages I was recieving.  Some messages  were great, full of compliments and some where not so great.  
  I had to learn the lingo of this strange new world of online dating.  Phrases like "Activity partner" and  "420 Friendly" were like a strange new language.  To be honest my friend GOOGLE was used to find out what they meant and when I learned that "Activity Partner meant someone looking for sex, and "420 friendly" was not a man looking for a Big Beautiful woman but in fact that someone who was open to smoking marijuana.  This boogled my mind.  Did people really put this kind of stuff out there?  I was and am naive.   I could not believe the things and picture that men posted.  I was even surprised at the married men that were looking for companionship because they said they were unhappy.    I only knew this was not the dating scene I remembered from my youth.  It was a lot harsher, cruder and so much harder.  There was not a knight in shining armor an email away, willing to sweep me off my feet with honesty, morality and intergrity........more like Joe Somebody who wanted to show me pictures of his chest and ask how big my chest was...;)