The Joys of Chemo

  I started chemo a few weeks ago.  CJP insisted on being there with me.  It is bittersweet to have the joy of spending the day with your husband, but you are hooked up to an IV instead of a nice dinner date. 
  I have done chemo before and expected it to be the same.  This time there are new drugs available therefore my doctor prescribed a chemo drug that is given over two days every 28 days.  The Oncologist said it would easier and less harsh.  He lied.
  The first morning of Chemo we got up early and I pulled out my lunch box.  CJP asked what I was doing.  I told him, I would pack lunch for him and snacks for me because it would be a long day.  He said he didn't think he could eat but to pack for me.  We drove to the hospital and were the first people at the infusion center.  I was greeted like an old friend by the nurses.  All greeted me warmly but said they were sorry to see me back.  I felt the same way.
  Christine was my nurse and started looking for a vein to use for the day.  I had been sick to my stomach and not had much to drink or eat the days prior so it was not easy.  She remarked I had a lot of scar tissue on my arms from previous chemo infusions.   Finally she found a vein and saline and a bag of Benedryl was started to counter any side effects. This started at 9am.  Soon the toxic drugs are hung.  I am feeling sleepy and cold.  I fall asleep only to be awoken by ears itching and the feeling that my throat is itchy and closing.  I am having an allergic reaction to one of the drugs.   I struggle to tell the nurse.  Then it was like the nurses went into hyper mode.  Each hurrying to respond with steroids and other drugs to stop the reaction.
Chemo is stopped and until I am feeling better I am monitored every 5 minutes until they feel it is safe to restart chemo.  It is started again more slowly and they are checking on me more frequently.  So many people come and go from the infusion center.  Each seeking treatment for their own cancer battle.  There are 20 chairs in this room and 10 in the other room.  All day long they are filled and at one point people wait for a chair to get their infusion.
  At 5pm I am just finishing up.  CJP looks tired and weary.  He gently loads me in the truck and we come home.  The next day we go back again for another infusion.  It is faster and I think wow this is easy.   I spoke too soon.  Nausea, headaches and pain is so bad I can not believe this was supposed to be better than previous chemo drugs.
Day after day I don't feel better and at one point tell CJP that I don't want to do this again, even though I have to do 5 more treatments.  He says I can do this...I want to believe but the pain is so bad.
CJP takes an early morning trip back to the hospital for drugs to ease my pain.  He is being so supportive and loving.   I feel bad for being a baby about the chemo.
  It is now 14 days since treatment.  Some days are better than others.
Cancer sucks.  Someone told me that it is going to get harder before it gets easier, I just have to make it through the hard part.  I pray that this is true.

  Today I saw a story on TV about a lady who had cancer that made a bucket list but called it a fun list.  It was a copulation of things she wanted to do with her family to create memories....  I think I want a fun list... That will be my next project.